Retro-inspired platformers are still messing with my head, and honestly i’m kinda here for it. i’m in this dingy ohio apt right now, rain’s pounding the window like it’s mad at me, got some skyline chili from last night just sitting in the sink getting gross. anyway i wasted like four hours on this game that looks straight outta my old snes days. thumbs hurt bad, but i’m smiling like a fool.
Why Retro-Inspired Platformers Still Got Me Hooked Bad
every time i fire up retro-inspired platformers i’m back to being 9, hiding under blankets playing way past bedtime. that coin collect sound? hits different, smells like old pizza and dew. but get this i’m 34 now, losing hair in weird spots, and i STILL chuck the controller when i whiff a jump. last week yelled so loud at blasphemous 2 my neighbor was like “u ok?” nah man, stuck on spikes forever. but worth it i guess.
That One Retro-Inspired Platformer That Made Me Ugly Cry
celeste. yeah i said it, full on sobbed. not cute tears, like snot everywhere at 2am cuz madeline’s freakout felt too real for my anxious self. pixels perfect, music bangs, but the story? oof. beat ch9 then texted my ex like an idiot. dont do that. game slaps tho.
Some Half-Assed Tips for Not Dying in Retro-Inspired Platformers
i aint no expert, rage quit super meat boy back in the day and just picked it up again cuz bored. heres what i figured out between freakouts:
- muscle memory over spamming buttons, practiced one jump in hollow knight for hours, cat stared like i was dumb
- die a ton, its fine. 1247 deaths in dead cells, screenshot it for wallpaper lol
- play the soundtrack at work, shovel knight ost makes spreadsheets feel epic (shh dont tell boss)
Retro-Inspired Platformer I Love to Hate or Whatever
shovel knight. wanna fight it sometimes. levels are mean. but i 100% it twice, preordered dlc with rent money basically. tower of fate part had me yeet the joycon, wall chipped now. deposit gone. retro-inspired platformers punch that nostalgia hard.
Are Retro-Inspired Platformers Too Brutal Now? Or Just Me Getting Old?
love the pain but wrists crack like cereal. cuphead makes me wanna toss everything in the river. still play tho. addict probs.
Future of Retro-Inspired Platformers Hot Takes
animal well sequel pls? make one where boss is bills and mom calls. i’d grind it.
Ok Wrapping This Mess
retro-inspired platformers my bad ex, hurts good. if youre holed up with sad vibes and a switch, grab celeste. cry rage repeat. hit me with your deaths, i’ll laugh or cry idk.
ps gas station sushi? bad idea. play shovel knight instead.
