sports games fan favorites straight-up own my entire life and i let them
real talk: i’m freezing my ass off in ohio right now, heater’s clanking like it’s about to quit, and i’m already refreshing stubhub for opening day because sports games fan favorites hijacked my brain and i stopped fighting years ago
why i keep blowing rent money on tickets like a total clown
last month i straight-up chose lions tickets over my electric bill. con ed sent me the saddest email i’ve ever read. didn’t care. rolled up to ford field at 8 a.m. with two truly tall boys in each pocket and a grin that said “priorities”
nothing on tv hits the same. no stream recreates that smell of turf, beer, and desperation. no 4k broadcast catches the moment 70k strangers all suck in air together before we explode when the kicker doinks it. some dude behind me always narrates the game better than the actual announcers and i live for it (science even says the live experience spikes dopamine harder than watching at home—here’s the study if you wanna feel attacked: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7448297/)
the sensory beatdown i pay top dollar for
- i willingly hand over $15 for the saddest beer on earth and chug it anyway
- the drumline drops bass so filthy my watch logs it as cardio
- strangers spray me with beer during celebrations and i just open my arms like “anoint me”
- saw a guy smuggle an entire rotisserie chicken in a meijer bag last week, legend
the foul ball incident that broke me (yes i’m bringing it up again)
2023, progressive field (yeah i still call it the jake sometimes, sue me). tiny kid next to me snags a screaming foul ball barehanded. entire section freaks. kid turns, looks me dead in the eye, and hands it over like i earned it. i cried. full grown man, cheese dust beard, public tears. still keep that ball on my desk and rub it when life sucks
tickets cost my soul now and i still swipe my card
yeah i know seatgeek and ticketmaster are basically loan sharks in app form (propublica did a whole investigation on how bad the fees got: https://www.propublica.org/article/ticketmaster-fees-congress-investigation). still hit “complete purchase” faster than i pay my actual bills. worth it? hell yes. tv feels like third-wheeling someone else’s vibe. being there when the wave turns the stadium into a living ocean? when visiting fans chant and we drown them out like wolves on bath salts? nothing touches that. that’s why sports games fan favorites refuse to die no matter how much the owners rob us blind
anyway i lost the plot years ago
call me a boomer, idc. until someone bottles grilled onions, collective heartbreak, and the exact decibel of a stadium roar, i’m showing up in my crusty verlander jersey screaming till my throat bleeds and pretending my credit score isn’t on life support
if you’ve never blasted “shipping up to boston” from a walmart parking lot at 7 a.m. while shotgunning a warm white claw… fix your life
drop your most unhinged game day story below, i need validation that i’m not the only degenerate here. or tell me i need help, either works.
oh and if you wanna laugh/cry at more people like me, the athletic wrote a whole piece on how we’re all addicted to this chaos: https://www.nytimes.com/athletic/5049283/
